The Jovial Writer

Sancastles and Football “Will you play in the sandbox with me?” she requests, offering me an extra tiny pink pail. Her eyes are chocolate brown and her smile is infectious. I am about to say yes. But she’s a girl . She obviously has cooties . Of course I don ’ t like her. “No.” I say instead and run off to play football with my older brothers. But when I reach, my brothers say I’m too young to play and only use me to bring back balls that fly out of the playground. It’s boring, and not as fun as building sandcastles. But at least, I am playing with boys . We don’t have cooties. My oldest brother is the meanest and he kicks the hardest. I hate it when he kicks because I have to run all the way to the end of the park to retrieve the football. Sure enough, he sends the ball soaring across the playground. My middle brother looks at me expectantly and gestures towards the ball. “I’ll get it.” I say and rush off to look for the ball. My brother may have sent the ball to another galaxy, be

 "Once" in a Lifetime A million footsteps walk down the cobbled streets of Dublin every day. Not many take the time to buy a rose from the timid flower girl or pause to listen to the talented busker in the boulevard. Yet, late one night, on her way home, the flower girl stops by the busker to listen to him perform.  “Once” is a beautifully narrated story about two unlikely souls, who are able to rediscover their passion for music. Starring the award-winning Irish singer songwriter Glenn Hansard and Czech musician Markéta Irglová, “Once” is a musical masterpiece.  At only 88 minutes long, the film manages to tell a simple story in a truly magical manner. Hansard plays the role of a vacuum cleaner repairman and a part time busker. Irglová’s character, on the other hand is a young woman who has recently come to Ireland, in search of a brighter future. She has left her piano back home in Czechoslovakia, and here on the streets of Dublin, she is but a simple flower girl. T

Pumpkin Shell and Plastic Corn Soup   Ingredients: 1. One ounce pumpkin shell (broken or whole) 2. Two tablespoons coral powder 3. Three cups plastic corns (recommended recycled Xeplometrowynelol plastic) 4. 11 ounces of water (synthetic works fine) 5. One spoon sea sand to taste Process: Mix ingredients and bring to a boil. Serve hot while plastic corn is still melted. "Mommy can we make this for my birthday tomorrow?" asked little Tanya as she settled down at the table. "I'm not sure, honey. Pumpkin skin really expensive, I don't know if we can afford enough for soup." said her mother thoughtfully as she placed a bowl in front of her daughter. "Oh." said Tanya as she looked down at the soup they were having today. It was the cheapest food they could find in the 22nd century ---plastic soup with cockroach scales. "Mommy tell me the story of my great great great great aunt Greta again." said Tanya picking up her spoon and forgetting all a

The Red Carpet Damn it Suzie. Just smile. “That’s right, like that, show me some teeth.” Flash. FLASH. FLASH. Stop fretting. Your lipstick is fine. “Smile now, smile honey, blow ’em a kiss.” Fuck. They know you did the surgery. Damn it Suzie, should have paid a little more. “Come on darling spin, spin, give us a turn. There it is.” Don’t fall, you clumsy girl. “Suzie tell us who are you dating?” Who would ever date you Suzie? “You look stunning in that dress!” Can’t they tell you threw up twice already? “The whole world is watching tonight! Hope you win the award this year. Good luck Suzie!” You? Win? You’re killing me with laughter. “Suzie, I love you! Can I get an autograph please?” called a little girl behind the tape. Of course. You stupid dunce. You know you have to keep walking, you can’t stop for--- “You changed my life.” she said. You talentless, useless, ugly--- “You saved mine.” I say. They hate you. You know that. They hate you. “Smile for the camera Suzie.” You don’t deserv